I write to you as one clinging desperately to hope like a character in that Will Smith movie where he is the only human left alive after the rest of the world is turned to zombies. All of my British flatmates have left campus and I am left to wander the quiet flat, huddling for warmth and comfort with the five other Americans in the building. It’s a sad, lonely place America. If you are reading this, please send people who will be able to help Britain realize that three inches of snow is no cause to shut down all airports for three days, and Ranch dressing because I really miss Ranch dressing.
If you’ve read the news recently I’m sure that you’ve seen how badly Britain has managed to embarrass itself in the face of the “snowpocalypse” currently sweeping the country. Everyone who was trying to fly home for the holidays was stuck in London for five days because no flights are coming into or going out from Heathrow. Gatwick, the little airport that could (unless Dublin is involved) sent out just over one hundred flights today and landed about the same number on the second day, but most airports were completely shut down because it’s cold. Even the Tube was shut down. The Tube is underground!!!! How can it be closed because of the weather??? What is this madness? As I was complaining to my flatmate before he left, he said, “Oh, it’s the annual airport shutdown.” I was incensed and yelled, “You mean to tell me that this happens every year????” I am seriously beginning to question how Britain is a modern, civilised country, never mind how it managed to control the largest empire in the nineteenth century. But now, five days later, most Dickinsonians are home or at least in flight, and my parents and brother have arrived in England! Apparently Mr. David Cameron heard me when I threatened to have very strong words with him if they were delayed – I know where he lives.
Okay, rant over. Life is good, and a little (or a lot) of inefficiency will only slow me down temporarily. *deep breath* Anyway, my first semester in Merry Olde England is over! It went so fast, I’m not really sure what happened to it, but I know that it was amazing. Like all semesters, it finished in a flurry of paper-writing and procrastinating. But fear not, I only resorted to listening to Josh Groban Christmas carols on the last night, and all papers were done, revised until the ink positively bled from the pages like Tom Riddle’s diary in The Chamber of Secrets (my New Year’s resolution is to not mention Harry Potter more than once a day, and if I go over I have to pay a two-pence penalty that my flatmates will use to buy a pint at the end of the year. Ha, they underestimate my willpower), and turned in. Huzzah! In the midst of finals, however, there is always time for fun and interesting cultural experiences.
On Tuesday night I attended my first-ever, and hopefully my last-ever, pantomime performance, which is apparently a time-honoured Christmas tradition for English children. For anyone who has not been so lucky as to see a pantomime, it’s a very interactive show, so one of the characters will lose something, like his pet mouse, and ask everyone in the audience to shout “Mousy mousy!” whenever the mouse reappears on stage, which British children will eagerly shout even when said mouse has not actually made an appearance. And whenever the villain comes out, everyone boos, et cetera. You get the idea. We saw Jack and the Bean Stalk, which for some reason involved a circus and many renditions of “Nelly the Elephant.” It was terrifying. Just when I thought that it couldn’t get any more ridiculous, Jack tried to look soulful and broke out into “Hero” by Enrique Iglesias. Yes, this really happened. Then, just to prove that they could, the trolls did the “Thriller” dance. I am still emotionally scarred – I can’t write about it any longer because it’s too painful. I’m sorry.
On a much happier note, we had a lovely Chranksgivemas dinner on Thursday. Trusty flatmate Joe and I braved the cold to head to the grocery store and stock up on Thanksgiving essentials, then we concocted a Thanksgiving dinner to the best of our ability. Have I mentioned that we don’t have ovens in our kitchens? They’re a fire hazard. So we ended up grilling balls of stuffing in the chip pan because the convection oven was taken up by candied yams, but it actually worked surprisingly well. I just told everyone that we always grill stuffing balls in America, and it was totally fine. So Joe and I managed to whip up mashed potatoes, candied yams, stuffing, rolls, cranberry sauce, green bean casserole, gravy, and deli turkey without any major catastrophes, and it all tasted good! Definitely a Christmas miracle.
Our celebrations kicked off with a dramatic reading of the Chranksgivemas story, written by Joe especially for the occasion.
I don’t have his exact wording, but basically the holiday began as follows: Santa and the pilgrims were making the brutal crossing from England to the New World, but they ran out of food and had to eat all of the reindeer. Santa was so depressed that he threw himself overboard into the icy sea. Fortunately, Benjamin Franklin (Joe’s American history is a little bit skewed here) saw what Santa did and raised the alarm, so George Washington (because he was also on the Mayflower) dived into the Atlantic and saved him. Sadly for George, he lost his teeth, but he did save Santa. For ever after, when asked if he had saved Christmas, George would reply, “I cannot tell a lie – I did that thing.”
Dinner then began with lots of food, Christmas crackers, and traditional Chranksgivemas carols by Lady Gaga and Cee Lo. We all had a really good time, and it was a great way to just be together and relax after exams and papers. I had told Amy about my family’s Thanksgiving tradition of going around the table and saying what we’re thankful for, and she suggested that we incorporate that into our celebrations. So over our second course of mulled wine and minced pies, we actually had a really meaningful time to say how grateful we all were to be living with so many wonderful people. It was so nice, and it was the perfect way to end the semester. I don’t know how I got so lucky, but my floor is absolutely amazing, and I’m so happy to be living with them. Unfortunately, it was our last flat time before Laura left us for the sunny and wonderful land of Australia, but I cannot think of a better way to say goodbye.
So I’m sending the warmth and love from our Chranksgivemas celebrations to you for Christmas. I hope that you are all well and that you’re able to share the holiday with people you love. I miss you all terribly, but I’m thinking of you and wishing you a very, very happy Christmas!!! (Favourite Christmas memory of the year: talking to my dad on Skype and him exclaiming, “We get to say 'Happy Christmas' this year!!!!”) Love to all!
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